Community Forum Course 3

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    • #29933
      • How do you know when you are beginning to personalize member responses and reactions?  How do you manage your personal behavior so you do not take  member reactions and behaviors  personally?
      • What advice would you offer someone new to YouthBuild who is trying to learn how to regulate their personal reactions to challenging member behaviors?
    • #29958
      Alexandra Blockton

      I always treat individuals in my life how I would personally like to be treated and that is with kindness and respect. Initially, while being in company of YouthBuild AmeriCorps remaining professional, following guidelines, and being respectful is some things I highly encourage because I consider myself to be a leader and in order to lead. I need to be set a good example for the YouthBuild AmeriCorps Members within my program. I have learned not to take anything personal because our YouthBuild AmeriCorps Members come from all different walks of life and I am here to provide support and be of service to them.

      • #29965
        KuLena R. Burton

        Thank you for sharing your insights Alexandra.  Respect is definitely fundamental and necessary. I often ask members and students, “What Does that Look Like?” It allows an opportunity for them to personalize their system of value(s). Their definitions of positive attributes, like Respect, and leadership, often vary. Take Care.


        • #30062
          Sherrie Kirbach

          That is really a great way of approaching our members! Thanks

          • #30309
            Maria Cortez

            Both professionalism and respect are key!

        • #30167
          Candace Copenhaver

          The GOLDEN RULE

      • #30107
        Latonya McGee

        The advise that I would give to a new YouthBuild who is trying to learn how to regulate their personal reactions to challenging member behavior is to remind them of the target population, we are serving high school dropouts, people who are apart of the justice system, people who are in foster care and people whose life are far different from our own. Many of them are homeless and living with friends and family, they don’t have full course meals cooked for them or 3 meals a day that normal families enjoy. So, I would admonish YouthBuild employee that our job is to build youth in any way that we can.

      • #30165
        Candace Copenhaver

        I know I am taking things personally, when I feel emotional about something. I try to keep in mind that #1 they are young adults and 2 I try to keep personal and professional me separate.

        My advice would be to remember that our students “Don’t know what they don’t know”. Many of our students have no idea what dinner at a dinner table is like. Therefore, we can not expect them to have table manners. We have to TEACH them!

        • #30166
          Candace Copenhaver

          Exactly!! We can’t expect table manners from someone that has never sat at a table to eat!

    • #29964
      KuLena R. Burton

      <b>I know that I am beginning to personalize the thoughts of others when  my body aches, or  sleep is disjointed or I have  indicators of panic attack, which isn’t always easily identifiable by others. Remaining self-aware and mindful of triggers, and addressing them, has allowed me to encourage others to have open discourse about their own triggers, before imminent situations take place. Remaining  Self Aware,  Honoring Emotional Intelligence and Trusting My Gut iNtuition and Hunches over the years, has worked.  </b>Applying <b>that which has been learned to address high intensity situations, in a training space that is designated for trial and error, like this one, is necessary too. </b>

      1. Honor Autonomy

      2. Respect the Transformative Journey of Self And Others

      3. Heal Yourself. Do Your Own Inner and Outer Work Before Attempting to Support Others.

      4. Omit Paternalistic, Patronizing, Authoritative and Disempowering Behaviors

      5. Be Mindful of Communication, Intersectional Forms of Language

      6. Never Mediate Your Own Issues – Don’t Use “Leading Questions” in  Conflict Resolution

      7. Educate Yourself on Individual, Group and Organizational  Culture, Norms and Attitudes

      8. Remember that You Are A Professional, Don’t Take Things Personal. Don’t Abuse Power.

      9. Engage Socio-Educational Intervention Techniques when Necessary  (Art, Journaling, Craftsmanship, Music, Vision Boards, Poetry)

      10. Consider De-Escalation Techniques,  those learned in both Social and Clinical Residential Settings (i.e. SAMA, Satori Alternatives to Managing Aggression) have helped alot. Introduce them to students.

      11. Let Group Members Design and Elect a Peer Mediation Council

      12.  Have A Trusted Confidant On-Site or Off-Site who provides unbiased insight when needed. Be a Trusted Confidant.  Foster A Space that Supports A Sense of Safety for All.

      • #29995
        Alexandra Blockton


        You have made some really great points and as I am currently in the process of reading a book named Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman which is definitely going really great so far and I am halfway through the book. It has lots of great advice and skills to utilize in the workplace.


        • #30029
          Brandy Stewart

          Well said!! I absolutely believe love how you laid it out there with such clarity!! Thank you for sharing this.

        • #30032
          Zanda Miller

          Great response. I agree.

        • #30033
          Zanda Miller

          I believe I have that book! Oops, I don’t. I’ve heard about it in various trainings. Guess I need to order it.

        • #30092

          nice advice

        • #30108
          Latonya Hudson McGee

          Those are really good ideas to use for ourselves and participants.

      • #29997

        This is great advice. Thank you for sharing.

      • #30298
        Virginia Hamilton

        Thank you for the interesting advice!

    • #30031
      Zanda Miller

      I never take reactions personally because I am comfortable wth myself and know others don’t know me until they allow themselves to get to know me. I meet people where they are, build rapport, and keep it moving. I don’t impose myself on others. I pay a lot of attention to their body language as well as what they say and don’t say.  To anyone new to YouthBuild, I would encourage them to be honest with themselves and the students we work with. I would encourage them to keep an open mind and to not pre-judge the students we work with based on things they may have heard or prior negative beliefs they may have brought with them.

      • #30085
        Amber Palmeri

        How do you make sure you never take things personally? Tips? I always TRY not to take things personally, but I find myself doing it more than I’d like. In my head I know that our Corpsmembers aren’t not replying to my communications, aren’t missing programming, aren’t (fill in whatever it is here) AT me/my team, but sometimes I can’t help but think they are when we work so hard to put things into place for them.

    • #30059
      Miranda Valentine

      I observe alot, so basically stand back and watch the interactions with the participants to see how they react to each other. This way I get a better understanding on how to talk with certain participants. I am very easy going and let things roll off. This way if the participant is having a bad day and is not communicating their feelings properly it does not offend me. I know they are reacting like they use to, so in those moments I try to keep them calm and teach other ways to cope with anger or whatever emotion they are feeling.

      • #30086
        Amber Palmeri

        I love this idea–observation. I also remind myself that we are teaching work and life readiness skills, and not all of our members have these skills yet. Nearly all of the time their response has nothing to do with me, and it’s just where they are in their learning.

      • #30299
        Virginia Hamilton

        This is great advice! Very up my alley

    • #30087
      Amber Palmeri

      I think I realize I’m taking something personally when I start to get frustrated and want to engage in a type of power struggle. I manage my personal behavior by taking a step back and thinking through what the member is really communicating–not what their actual words/actions are saying, but what the deeper meaning is behind those words actions. If possible, I take some time to reflect and think before I respond or engage in conversation.

      My advice to new YB staff would be similar to what I’ve been doing. Take some time to think through what the member is REALLY communicating. Also, think about how you would name their behavior and then flip it to the positive. If you would describe a member as “demanding”, you can reframe that as “has high standards”. If you would describe a member as “argumentative”, you could reframe that as “opinionated” or “strongly committed to goals”, you could reframe “manipulative” as “gets needs met.”

      • #30295
        Virginia Hamilton

        Amber, I appreciate the advice and examples of reframing! Thank you

    • #30297
      Virginia Hamilton

      I am new to YouthBuild and curving my expectations is something I am personally trying to work on. I can sometimes feel myself becoming frustrated when I put a lot of time and energy into planning an activity and members either don’t show up or are passively participating. I am loving the idea of having the members plan more of the activities. I feel like a member might be less resistant if they know a peer planned the activity and everyone will eventually have to participate in the activity that they planned coming up. I am interested to see if this decreases the level of disengagement at all.

      I am defiantly enjoying reading all the advice provided by my peers in the chat! Thank you!

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